But he almost doesnt realize it. These emotions are likely a natural part of losing touch with someone who mattered to you. If your boyfriend pretended to be depressed, you need to know that he used a very common Its not you, its me excuse. He fooled you into pitying him and leaving him alone so he could do whatever he wanted to do. Then the next day he messaged me saying he thinks he needs to go back to counselling and didnt know what was wrong. I wish I could help him, I wish we could be the happy us that we used to be. Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to depression. and would complain about everything in his life. Advice on a break with . Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), I Cheated On My Boyfriend And He Broke Up With Me, My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And I Want Him Back. I could sleep and eat better now and could enjoy movie/books. It depends on how much time has passed since the end of the relationship.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-2','ezslot_9',115,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-2-0'); Knowing if one of you has moved on is also an aspect to consider about them going back. As a dumpee, you likely cant tell whether your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth or if hes just unhappy with you. He suffers from depression, and I believe to also be bipolar. Following all the above advice, you may be able to treat the root cause of your breakup i.e. Which didnt get better. If you feel your husbands/boyfriends depression is no more tolerable and breakup is the only option available, do not leave them untreated in the mid-way. You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. When he broke up with me he was so cold and distant, as if he were a completely different person. When family abandons you: what to do next? He does this because people close to him have a lot of expectations, requests, and sometimes even demands. So treat his depressed state as any other breakup and take the usual post-breakup actions. I miss him so much and I just wish I could talk to him and hug him it hurts so much. They need something from you, and you dont want to be left. And if you want to discuss your breakup with us in private and want a faster, more detailed response, check out our coaching options. It made him think that he didnt have enough time, energy, willpower, and love to stay in a relationship with you and that he needed to find happiness without you. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. They might start to push people away, as a way to not hurt others, and that is when they might break up with their partners. He feels smothered by you and thinks he should stop feeling smothered before he can work on himself. When you are breaking up with someone you are still in love with, it might be good, to be honest. Lately he's been starting to feel depressed again and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me saying he needs some time to work on himself. And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not happy with himself and that he feels like he's changed. Also, were 24 so were at that weird age where we are trying to figure out jobs and money and trying to move into apartments with our friends. This should be your priority other wise your partner is going to make you anxious and force you to overinvest in him and the relationship. So Im trying to focus on myself and it actually does motivate me to get myself stable again because if we do end up together again I want to make sure Im ready and confident and have my life together. We would talk and he said his son had noticed a change in him of not being happy as usual. We had a great relationship so I thought. Here are some ways you help your depressed boyfriend: 1. And as their behavior changes with you, as well as with other people, you might start to fear the relationship is reaching its end. Thing's just recently started going downhill, causing him to quit his job and to be admitted to the hospital. So we broke up. Aside from that, it is important to know if his depression was caused by a specific situation, or if it is something they are still struggling with because if that is the case, they might not go back until it is resolved. Mental illness alone is no excuse to break up with someone. Lets reverse roles for a minute. But leaving a person when he or she is going through something as difficult as depression is a mystery beyond my comprehension. My boyfriend and fiance of 5 1/2 years dumped me last night. Healthy dumpers tend to make excuses, blame their ex, or just explain why things happened the way they did. And that it was never my fault at all or anything Im doing. Hes incapable of receiving it and doing anything with it because your presence alone reminds him of the past and drains his limited energy. Ive been there for him this whole time but he never once got help. Hi Jeianne, Ive been going through this as well. If your boyfriend broke up with you because hes depressed or unhappy, you can be certain he didnt make a quick decision. She would text me less, we would spend less time together, she would not reply to me and ignore me, more and more as days passed. Injured animals tend to follow the same pattern. He also had mentioned his friends not to tell me or his family about this suicidal attempt. In this post, well talk about what to do if your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression. She may think of herself as a burden and would want you to be free. Its in your boyfriends nature to isolate himself and wallow in depression. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-3-0'); As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didnt care for them enough. Im just so confused as the best way to be with him if it is depression. the thing was he could happily text me when he was horny or just for general speak. They express that the breakup is not their girlfriends fault and that they have some things to figure out on their own. He was so sweet and loving. Did you guys talk again? Sorry for this long long essay, but it makes me feel much better writing it down and sharing it. Over the phone, he broke up with me. Theyre the people who have your best interests at heart and are more than happy to prove that by helping you when youre feeling down. My boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday and I cant stop crying. During extensive heated anger prone interactions, try to keep your cool. If you want to get back to him even though he is depressed you can try to change things up. Said all the things Ive read here like its really not you and I just need to be by myself. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month ago. The most important thing you need to understand about breakups caused by depression is that they dont happen overnight. She said she doesnt love me the same way as before, that she doesnt feel happy anymore. Everything seemed perfect, we had a beautiful, mature relationship for 2 years. Hes to sad to even text me back saying that seeing my name makes him feel so depressed and how unhappy he is. They will do that to achieve their goals, which can be keeping the relationship as is or getting you to do something for them. Even if i was still there as usual everyday for her while being separated by distance, her mental health slowly got worse. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-2','ezslot_20',121,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-2-0'); It can also be that they start to affect your sense of security. Its been 3 days since we last talked and we have talked everyday for 4 years. No matter what he does, he cant be of much help. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. On Sunday he was still texting me hearts So now Im sad and confused. There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. Breakups caused by depression are more common than you may think. But even though you might keep hoping that they will come back, try to focus your energy in your healing process, and on yourself. You just know that relationship issues are making things worse and that you want to feel understood rather than ignored and annoyed. She was alone in a city, with no family, no friends, no roomates, with no boyfriend close to her due to covid. Judge him by his pre-breakup and post-breakup behavior. I also gave birth 5 hours after his mum passed so I strongly believe he has a lot of emotions that hasnt dealt with. I would try to make plans and he would always say "maybe" and then eventually would agree, although sounding like he had no interest. Tracy Otto, 27, was on a second date with new beau Ricky Riessle when her ex Francpiero Del Medico, 33, broke in and found them asleep in bed, deputies said. Everything started to go downhill starting January 2021. If your ex-boyfriend has a history of depression or his family members have suffered from depression before, you must consider his depression a serious matter. Depression is a mood disorder in which normal functioning of an individual slows down and may become null if left untreated. My (ex)boyfriend has told me he was depressed before we met and he has had dark thoughts ever since he was about 10 years old. From the following article My depressed boyfriend broke up with me, you will gather information about the criticality and consequences of having a depressed partner. Just good times when we were physically together. When people are in an unhealthy relationship they might notice some signs of it. Such behavior is no different from ordinary dumper behavior. Its really sad and i was heartbroken that she decided that, but on the other hand i know it is for the best, i only hope she feels better and manage to heal, and be happy. You should take him to a professional who will be able to dig into the root causes behind his problems. I realised this was recent I experienced the same just a couple of weeks after you and knew exactly how you felt. 2023 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Theres no guarantee that your ex will come back after hes dealt with depression, but if he starts dating again and gets hurt (or gets hurt in some other way), he could seek solace in you and try to obtain your validation. Im scared he will move on from me during no contact & thatll be the end of our story for good. I knew he was depressed, but he didnt want to admit it for a while. I recommend the Depression Fallout forum and the book Depression Fallout by Ann Sheffield. While hes doing that, its best that you stay away from him and give him the space he needs. They cant just fix everything they need to fix because they think their exes are a big part of their issues. They dont explain that their exes drained their energy and made them feel smothered or guilty for not being able to reciprocate their feelings and meet their expectations. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. It breaks my heart. For the past 7 years, I have had the smallest flickering of emotions, what I feel on a daily basis is practically nil. As an understanding partner, you should keep your calm and try to get into the root of the problem through communication. By no means does this happen all the time as many relationships work even when both people in the relationship are depressed. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me (7 ways to reconnect), https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#, a lack of relationships or withdrawal from previous relationships, negative feelings toward yourself and others, reduced emotional abilities, including having less verbal or nonverbal expressions, difficulty adjusting to social situations, a tendency toward showing fake emotions, such as pretending youre happy at a wedding, a loss of libido or a lack of interest in physical intimacy, persistent physical problems, such as being sick often. But when something bad happens (not implying that it will), he could want someone to help him get through his misery. Always consult your doctor about your medical conditions. Me and my girlfriend have been in a long distance relashionship for almost 3.5 years now. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Home Relationships My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. I also dated a guy for six months, had a crazy connection, then he broke it off because he was depressed and lost. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. You'll get health news, advice, and inspiration delivered right to your inbox. Its hard to see that right now, but give it some time and youll see. Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. Theyre forgetting to mention why they fell out of love and what kind of behavior or attitude made it hard for them to redevelop their romantic feelings. About 3 weeks ago, my now ex boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because of his depression. My girlfriend is actually going through major depression, she also think she might even be bipolar, since her mom is also bipolar. She is from the USA, and i am from France. maybe we can talk privately? It has been commonly understood that positive symptoms of schizophrenia decline in later life, https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#Helping a depressed spouse. Hes happy when everythings fine and unhappy or miserable when he cant get what he wants from you. And he believes him. We did not see much of each other face to face due to work schedules and because of the other things above. You shouldnt feel too bad and think that hes secretly looking for you to care about him and help him. But this is related to some matters in his life and the relationship. Contrary to happy, mature couples, selfish boyfriends tend to do whats best for them. Try to accept that he left because he neglected himself and then also you and the relationship. There's a book about male depression that's quite good - "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terence Real. Weve only been broken up two days and weve gone NC. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression that he's had for months or longer, this can be considered long-term and means that he slowly changed his opinion of you and lost the energy and will to fight. Hi, I have been in a (very) long distance relationship for about a year and a half. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. They can also feel empty, and lose pleasure in activities they used to love.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-box-4','ezslot_4',126,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-4-0'); A person can get depressed for many reasons. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. Your ex is depressed and is taking the counselors advice seriously. I dont want to go out to date because that is simply wrong although I do feel the need to talk it is a dilemma. Try to have a routine that will take care of both your emotional and mental health needs. Everything in our relashionship went well, as usual, until when she started her 2nd year of college in September 2020. I asked for space but when we do talk for it to be loving. I am sure he will further regain the trust and love he had for you. If there was something that wasnt as great or emotionally unhealthy in the relationship, it might be hard for them to come back to it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-4','ezslot_11',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-4-0'); Having a mental illness doesnt make it impossible for a person to have a relationship. Through it, the person will relearn how to live without their partner.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_8',112,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); This process has its ups and downs, but while going through it is important to have your friends and loved ones close to you. But if at any time it seems like coping with this is being too hard for you, dont hesitate to look for help. 2) Is there any chance hell be back? He should understand that you werent the main cause of his issues and that hes ready to receive and give love. I understand he wants to work on himself and I actually think thats a good thing. I wish I can give you a hug because we all need it. Because our relationship is great. If there is no-one you feel you can talk to, write it down. A woman paralysed by her jealous ex when he caught her in bed with a new man is now set to compete at the Paralympics. Remind him about his goals and dreams 2. Instead of learning more about depression and the way it can destroy commitment in the relationship, he acted on his negative feelings and pushed you away. Hi! But when you are in one with depression, an important thing to do is understand and learn more about the condition. Its not your fault I promise its me. Its one of those things that can affect dumpers in bad and good ways. My boyfriend of two months became very overwhelmed with events happening in his life that were out of his control. As a result I continued to stay isolated from most people and could be a weight on his shoulder. They have a lack of motivation, satisfaction and interest in anything. Mine has less depression,(bizzare creative spurts of painting and playing the piano) but mood swings peaking into euphoria most of the time. Hes just enjoying the space the breakup provided and is going to keep doing that until he stops feeling empowered by the breakup. As a human, a good friend, a well wisher please help them rather than making them feel they are responsible for the breakup. A few studies show that a part of the basal ganglia called the nucleus accumbens has been referred to as the pleasure center. I am quite confused and im unsure what to do, how to feel, how to react, so writing it down ease my mind. This article is very helpful. It may help you get a new perspective on what happened.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-leader-3','ezslot_10',114,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-3-0'); It can be, sometimes, that a boyfriend that was battling depression can come back. My boyfriend broke up with me because of depression is honestly not the only excuse dumpers use. Depression My boyfriend broke up with me because his depression and anxiety has gotten worse. Breakups Throwaway, because Gods knows I don't ever want to see this thread again after this week. Fight the illness together. Did they ever contact you and come back ? Weve been dating for 2 years and a few days ago he broke it off saying he needs to get mentally right and cant sustain a relationship. Making someone happy is a difficult skill 3 More answers below Anonymous 7 y Sorry for the long message! I wanna stay friends but I love him so much Would that be healthy? To him, the relationship became suffocating and tedious, so he thought he needed to get rid of as many stressors as he could. We ended up being friends for a year, becoming best friends and he asked me out last July. I learned a lot of depressed men dont because they dont ever really learn how to open up about their feelings. If your partner is reluctant to communicate, please do not force him. She said she still has a lot of love for me, and care for me more than anyone else she knows, and that she still want me in her life, she wants to be there for me, and she wants me to be there for her, as we were best friends before being boyfriend/girlfriend. By answering these questions, youll have a better understanding of whats going on inside your ex-boyfriends head. And I also deal with depression but have been getting help and I know how he feels in a way, but I know how to talk about feelings and when things bother me, he doesnt. If your ex is going out a lot, sleeping with other women, and having a good time, he obviously isnt depressed or having a hard time coping with stress. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression (and didnt just pretend to be depressed), his emotional well-being meddled with his ways of thinking and slowly forced him to fall out of love with you. I really feel like talking to someone who is in the same shoes to feel better although I dont know if that would make both feel better. Breakups are always difficult, going through one can be a traumatic experience. Ok, first and foremost, I'm very happy that in a relationship as hard as this one, you found the resilience to fight for it. I had a traumatic run in with my ex abusive parenter and needed him. I kid you not, I felt like my entire world shattered. I never asked him not to be her friend just not to bring her up because it brought back a lot of trauma for me.